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The Anvil and the Hammers
Christ Church on March 19, 2023
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Marriage Snarls (Get Married & Stay Married #4)

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INTRODUCTION

Most folks enjoy their ruts. They find a way of doing things, and that’s the way it should be done. But occasionally, along comes some technological innovation, or some brilliant genius. The way you’ve always done things is suddenly upended, and you can’t imagine ever doing it the old way again. Christ’s life, death, and resurrection was the epitome of completely changing how to do things. Christian marriage, then, should have a similar effect. As people see your marriage, they should be left scratching their heads going, “I’ve never seen it done this way before, but I want that.”

THE TEXT

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. […] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them (Col. 3:12-13;18-19).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Unity in human society is impossible without Christ’s atonement. The people of God are to wear the uniform; the uniform is Christ and His righteousness. We must note the flow of Paul’s thought. Your affections must rest in Christ on high (3:1-4). You must fight to the death against evil desires and deeds, and put off all the rowdiness of the sinful nature (3:5-8). That is who you once were, but you aren’t that now.

You are chosen, beloved, and holy. This in turn leads to a particular way of doing things; a way that is profoundly counter cultural, to every culture not built on Christ. This looks like large-heartedness. Kindness. Humility. Meekness. You have a long fuse (v12). Along with this comes a clear cut way of dealing with violations of this holy way of living: forbearance or forgiveness (v13). Covering or confronting. All of this is to be done in imitation of the Love of God (v13b-17). This is how true community is formed. God, in Christ, has forgiven you, so you forgive others. Forgive us our debts, as we we forgive those who are indebted to us.

Nevertheless, a besetting sin of Christians is thinking that we could be very holy if it weren’t for all the people. So, Paul locates the playing field for us. This Christ-like way of doing things should be seen first and foremost in the life of a Christian marriage. Wives are to array themselves under their own husbands, for it is fitting (v18, Cf. v17). Husbands are to love their wives, without harboring or causing bitterness (v19).

LEMON JUICE IN THE PAPER CUT

It shouldn’t escape your notice that Paul’s instruction for wives & husbands is in the context of this “new way of being human” in Christ. The patience, humility, and sacrificial love described are not just nice plays drawn up on the chalkboard. This play is to be executed “in game”.

But where are wives & husbands most likely to be tested in their endeavor to be Christlike but in the failures of their spouse? It is easy to be sweet, kind, and cheerful when everything is sunny. But what about when she’s doesn’t obey her husband’s decision? Or when he thoughtlessly neglects to tell her he’ll be home late from work? When she does an end-around on her husband, getting the in-laws to take her side? When he gets cranky about sexual regularity?

This is why, in order for a marriage to go the distance, both husband & wife must put on Christ. They must imitate His forgiveness towards them in their forgiveness to each other. This won’t be easy. Without divine grace, you will be unable to give grace.

A husband who doesn’t love his wife well, or a wife who routinely disregards her husband’s authority will provoke the other to fill up the relational garage with boxes full of aired (and unaired) grievances. Things get really bad when his box ends up on her side of the garage. But where will a wife need to most likely extend forgiveness but when her husband fails to provide the love he ought? Where will a husband most need to forgive but where she runs roughshod over him?

So, Paul’s command to Christians in general, and then applying it more directly to married couples, rings loud and clear: forbear or forgive. Let it slide, or confess/confront it. Either way, you aren’t ignoring the sin or offense, you are dealing with it as Christ commands. You must not, however, wait until your relational garage could be featured on an episode of Hoarders. Keep it tidy, don’t let grievances pile up.

BONFIRE OF JOY

This “live differently” project must be spearheaded by husbands. Husbands should be a bonfire of joy in the midst of their home. Husbands, you set the tone. You provide the warmth. You are your home’s brightness. The family should want to gather around you, not because you are such a narcissist, but because you are a bonfire of joy in Christ and joy in them. This means more than just “be there.” It means “be there, and be joyful.”

James warns that ungodly ruckuses begin through wrong desires, disordered affections (Jas. 4:1-10). We see this in toddlers, and then pretend we adults are too advanced for such petty rivalry. But husbands, your wife is not your competitor, she is your helper. You lay down your life, that by God’s grace He might raise you up into great glory. You work your tail off in sacrificial toil, while humming a joyful tune through it all. You bring the irrepressible joy, and your wife will gladly crown that joy.

IN-LAWS, MONEY, INTIMACY, KIDS

Now, it almost goes without saying, but the greatest arenas of provocation in marriage usually center around a small group of issues. Like clockwork, marriage issues arise around in-laws, money, intimacy, and child-rearing. In a majority of instances, conflict can usually be avoided through the kindness that is clear communication.

Write it down. Explain to the in-laws where the boundaries are. Put it on the schedule. Implement a solid budgeting tool. Get on the same page regarding discipline and child-rearing issues. Too many couples assume their spouse is a mind-reader.  Then are disappointed when they discover this isn’t the case. But in all these areas, it will take mutual forbearance (and forgiveness) to work through the presenting challenges. Again, much of it can be relieved by interacting with clear lines (writing it down, scheduling, frank conversations), instead of vague shrugs or telepathy.

GOLDEN RULE, GOLDEN MARRIAGE

Many couples are wonderful people to their friends, co-workers, and colleagues. But when it comes to their marriage they are constantly aggravated and aggravating. Christ’s way of doing things should be jaw-dropping to the world around us. You once walked this way, but now you have put off the evil scheme of rivalry (Col. 3:7-8). Or as Paul says in another place, “And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God (1 Cor. 6:11).”

Christ bears with your many failures, sins, flaws, and faults. He does not treat you as you deserve. But this doesn’t mean He doesn’t deal with your sin. He has made a way for you to be finally and fully forgiven. Not only that, but His Spirit is at work in you to subdue all remaining corruption. Look to Him, and then do as you’d be done by.

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Bold Submission (The Continuing Adventures of Jesus #7)

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INTRODUCTION

We often think of boldness and courage as breaking the rules, but in a fallen world, it is often just the opposite. True boldness is submission to God’s rules when the world wants to rebel. Jesus was the courageous one who submitted to His Father in order to save the world.

THE TEXT

“And as they spake unto the people, the priests, and the captain of the temple, and the Sadducees, came upon them, being grieved that they taught the people, and preached through Jesus the resurrection from the dead…” (Acts 4:1–22).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

We pick up our text in the middle of the commotion over the healing of the lame man at the gate of the temple (Acts 3:2-8). After Peter concludes his sermon, inviting everyone to receive the forgiveness of sins through repentance and faith in the resurrection of Jesus, the leaders of the Jews lay hold of Peter and John and put them in jail (Acts 4:1-3). By this point the number of believers had swelled to five thousand (Acts 4:4). The next day, the rulers conducted a hearing, and asked the apostles how they had performed the healing (Acts 4:5-7). Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, began preaching Jesus, crucified and risen, the Messiah, and the only name under Heaven given for salvation (Acts 4:8-12).

This boldness was remarkable and reminded them all of Jesus, and given the fact that the healed man was right there with them, they privately conferred, agreeing that they couldn’t deny the miracle but they needed to squelch the message (Acts 4:13-17). When they called Peter and John back before them, they threatened them and commanded them that they should not speak or teach in Jesus’ name anymore (Acts 4:17-18). After Peter and John politely declined, pointing out that it was more important to obey God than them, they threatened them again, finding no way to punish them because of their popularity with the people, and because everyone knew what had happened to the man (Acts 4:19-22).

THE GIFT OF CONTROVERSY

Part of the point of the book of Acts is that God grows His church through controversy. This is fundamentally the case because in a dark, fallen world, the Light of salvation offends the sensibilities of fallen sinners. We have already seen the Pentecost commotion and immediately following that, the Holy Spirit has created another controversy. Part of this continues to confirm that Jesus is alive, and it is His Spirit at work because wherever Jesus went, there were crowds and commotions. Of course, it is not enough to create trouble and blame the Holy Spirit. Achan was a “troubler of Israel” for his disobedience and sin (Josh. 7:25). But Jesus taught His disciples that all who follow Him should expect trouble (Mt. 5:10-12, Lk. 6:22, Jn. 15:18). Taking up “your cross” and following Jesus is taking up the scorn and hatred of the world (Mt. 16:24). A cross implies a public spectacle and controversy. And here, we see that in the midst of controversy, the gospel goes forth, and thousands more are added the church (Acts 4:2-4).

THE BOLDNESS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

Because it is the plan for the gospel to go forth in the context of controversy, boldness and courage are necessary. The word here for “boldness” is PARESSIA, which means plainness, clarity, and boldness. The idea isn’t loud or bombastic. The idea is simple, straightforward, and plain. And notice that Peter is mostly repeating himself: Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom ye crucified, God raised from the dead (Acts 4:10, cf. 2:23-24, 3:13-15). But also notice that Peter does not shy away from the collision and confrontation, and he identifies Psalm 118:22 as referring to the Jewish leaders who oversaw the execution of Jesus: the stone which the builders rejected. So the boldness of the Holy Spirit centers on talking about Jesus and Scripture.

OBEDIENCE TO MAN OR GOD?

This text is important for rightly understanding obedience and disobedience to authorities. When Peter and John are threatened and commanded to stop preaching the resurrection of Jesus, they say, “Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye” (Acts 4:19). First, notice that the apostles appeal to the “sight of God,” which relativizes all human authority. All human authority is under God and answers to God. Second, the apostles clearly state that the greater authority must have the greater obedience. The basic principle would be that we may obey human authorities so long as they do not command what God prohibits or forbid what God commands. Another area which requires real wisdom would be in matters where authorities are being disobedient to God. The Bible teaches that we may obey authorities in those circumstances if it isn’t requiring us to sin and it is often good to do so, but we don’t have to (Mt. 17:24-27, 1 Pet. 2:18ff, Acts 9:23-25, Acts 12:17).

APPLICATIONS

Controversy is a gift but only if we know what spirit we are of. Remember the apostles at one point wanted to call fire down on the Samaritans, who really were confused theologically, but Jesus said that was not His Spirit (Lk. 9:51-56). Jesus came not to destroy men’s lives but to save them. This means we are not revolutionaries; we are reformers. We are in favor of true life-saving surgery, and we hate all demented life-deforming surgery.

Practice your boldness on yourself first. Deal with your own sin plainly, directly, without excuses or compromises. This is what had to happen with Peter. Remember it was only a 6 weeks earlier that Peter was cursing and swearing about being associated with Jesus, and now it’s a badge of honor (Acts 4:13). But he only got there because he repented and was completely restored. Never wield a sword on anyone else you haven’t first practiced on yourself. This isn’t a ban on boldness; it’s an exhortation to true boldness.

Practice submission to lawful authority. Understood rightly, submission to true godly authority is the only path to true authority. This begins with submission to the exclusive claims of Jesus: There is no other name given under Heaven whereby we must be saved. We live in a land in desperate need of real leaders, and this is what happens when everyone “does what is right his own eyes,” when everyone is their own god/savior. But Jesus is the cornerstone that holds everything together. Submission to Him establishes you in your place.

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True Examination (Authentic Ministry #28)

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INTRODUCTION

There is a basic spiritual dilemma that confronts everyone who accepts the truth of the Christian message. If is the case that there are only two final destinies for human beings—for the saved and the lost—and if it is also true that these two kinds of people are also found within the ranks of baptized Christian people, then the question is this. “How can I be sure that I am among the saved?” To that question, the Pauline exhortation here is often applied—examine yourselves. Yes, indeed, examine yourselves. But by what standard?

THE TEXT

“This is the third time I am coming to you. In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established. I told you before, and foretell you, as if I were present, the second time; and being absent now I write to them which heretofore have sinned, and to all other, that, if I come again, I will not spare: Since ye seek a proof of Christ speaking in me, which to you-ward is not weak, but is mighty in you. For though he was crucified through weakness, yet he liveth by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but we shall live with him by the power of God toward you. Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? But I trust that ye shall know that we are not reprobates. Now I pray to God that ye do no evil; not that we should appear approved, but that ye should do that which is honest, though we be as reprobates. For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth. For we are glad, when we are weak, and ye are strong: and this also we wish, even your perfection. Therefore I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness, according to the power which the Lord hath given me to edification, and not to destruction. Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you. Greet one another with an holy kiss. All the saints salute you. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Ghost, be with you all. Amen” (2 Corinthians 13:1-14).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Paul founded the church. His second visit was the one where he ran into the opposition of the false apostles. This will be his third visit (v. 1). When he comes, he will bring judgment, and he will apply the biblical standards of justice (v. 1). He warns them solemnly now that unless there is repentance, his discipline will be strict (v. 2). He will do this to prove the strength of Christ in him, applied to them (v. 3). The strength of Christ is a death and resurrection kind of strength (v. 4), and Paul follows that pattern. Paul tells them to examine themselves before he comes and has to do it (v. 5). Christ is within those who pass the test, and is not within the reprobates (v. 5). And he is confident that they will recognize that Paul’s group is not reprobate (v. 6). Paul wants them to pass the test, to do no evil, and not for the sake of his reputation (v. 7). What matters above all is the truth (v. 8). Paul is glad to be weak and the Corinthians strong (v. 9). Paul’s hope is that he might get the sharp things out of the way in the letter, and then when he is with them, he might give himself to edification, not demolition (v. 10). He then gives a cluster of charges in his farewell—be mature, be comforted, be likeminded, be at peace, and may the God of love and peace crown it all (v. 11). Greet one another with an holy kiss (v. 12). The saints send their greetings (v. 13). He then concludes with a glorious benediction (v. 14).

EXAMINE YOURSELVES

Before you set yourself to “examine yourself to see if you are in the faith,” you must settle two other things first. First, what are you testing for, and second, what are you testing with? You are testing whether or not Christ is within you. That is the first thing. Second, you are testing with the standards set by the Scriptures, and not by standards invented by your Victorian great-grandmother.

What do you make of Jesus? What do you think of Him? You should not be looking for certain ecstatic emotions, or sentimental turbulence. We are talking about Christ the Messiah. What do you make of Him?

And what standards can we take from the Scriptures? We know Christ is in us because we have believed in the name of Jesus (1 Jn. 5:13; Rom. 10:9). We know that Christ is in us because the Spirit was given us (1 John 4:13). And how do we know that? He grows things (Gal. 5:22-23; Eph. 5:9), and He kills things (Rom. 8:13). We know Christ is in us if we love the brethren (1 John 3:14). We know Christ is in us and we are converted if we have humility of mind, like that of a little child (Matt. 18:3). We know Christ is in us if we are hungry for the Scriptures (1 Pet. 2:2-3). We know Christ is in us if the sacrifice of Christ on the cross makes sense to us as the power of God (1 Cor. 1:18). We know Christ is in us because of our growth in obedience (1 John 2:3). We know Christ is in us because of what happens when we disobey (Heb. 12:6). We know Christ is in us.

A GLORIOUS BENEDICTION

Paul concludes this epistle with a wonderful benediction. The order of the persons named is a little different. He begins with the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. Our starting point is with the one who first came to us as Immanuel, God with us. Christ is the one who brings us to the Father, and this Father is the one who loved us. And so it is that the love of God is mentioned second. And then, after we have encountered Christ, and have been brought to the Father, we find that we are in koinonia-fellowship with all of God’s people everywhere. And amen.

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Heirs Together (Get Married & Stay Married #3)

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INTRODUCTION

Waiting for something good is a strange mixture of pain & pleasure. Its agony mixed with expectancy. Christmas morning. A brisket. A bonus check. The wedding day. The birth of a child. The Eternal God placed us in time, which necessarily means waiting. This is poignantly true for engaged couples longing for their wedding day, or a single hoping for a good mate. But marriage isn’t the destination, it’s a waypoint. God wants to teach us to both rejoice in contentment for current blessings, while faithfully awaiting future glories.

THE TEXT

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Peter has instructed wives to sweetly submit to their husbands. Doing so may win even unbelieving husbands to the faith (1 Pt. 3:1-2 ). How much more of a blessing this will be to a believing husband? A wife’s manner of meekness & quietness is of great price & very precious in God’s sight (1 Pt. 3:3-4). Holy women of old set a wonderful example for godly women in all ages: their trust in God was manifested by obedience to their own husbands. A godly woman is to be fearless & faithful in good works (1 Pt. 3:5-6).

Peter then turns his attention to husbands, and admonishes them to not be blockheads. The wife’s duty of submission should be sweetened by an ocean of her husband’s love & wisdom. He is to be continually present. He is to be prudent. He is to enthrone her with honor. He shouldn’t think of her like camping gear; she’s fine china. Of utmost importance, they are heirs together of the grace of life.

Paul warned (Cf. 1 Cor. 7:32-35) that marriage could become an impediment to religious service, if gone about with mindless carnality. Here Peter doesn’t contradict that warning, but instead affirms & clarifies it. If a husband & wife dwell together rightly the prayers they offer (whether separately, jointly, or with the congregation) won’t be hindered.

Strife and division is strictly forbidden (Jas. 3:14), and called an abomination (Pro. 6:19). How much more in the sanctuary of marriage should there be unity? The squabbling & fights that fill many marriages is a clear impediment to prayer. It’s hard to sincerely worship God when you just ripped into your spouse with a string of nasty complaints or curses.

This text also serves as an inoculation against the rampant individualism of our culture. A husband & wife are heirs together. Of course, your marital status doesn’t determine your justification. But if you are married, your union with your spouse is impacted by being joint-heirs of grace (Cf. 3:1-2, 1 Cor. 7:14).

LOVE YOUR WIFE

The danger for many husbands is to come to love the idea of your wife. Loving the idea of your wife leads to a simmering resentment. She’s not living up to some ideal you’ve concocted in your imagination, and so you become a muttering grump of a husband. Distant, dissatisfied, and dishonoring to your wife. Crushing her, instead of lifting her up. In a word, the opposite of Peter’s instruction.

In one place, Paul taught, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them (Col. 3:19).” This is a more succinct version of Peter’s teaching. Husbands, you must love this woman who has cast her entire life into your hands, for better or for worse. Paul’s warning is an intriguing one. Some render it as do not be harsh, others render it as not to be bitter against the wife. The traffic flows both ways here. Say he’s a grumble-muffin towards his wife, his presence fills the house with too much bleach, becoming a cause of bitterness in her. He is to both refrain from being bitter, and being a cause for bitterness. He is to not be harsh, nor harbor harsh thoughts towards his wife.

Substituting loving your wife, with loving an idol in the shape of your wife will inevitably lead to ungodly anger. Angry husbands (particularly if they are Christians) can get quite clever in the way they express or hide their anger. Don’t pride yourself that you’ve become more clever at hiding your anger or frustration at your wife. Rather, expunge that anger at the first sign. Love her. Draw her into your life. Cherish her, and dignify her by bringing her to stand by your side through thick and thin. She’s your glory.

HIS QUEEN & HER CROWN

This leads to address what many wives commonly misconstrue. Particularly in our feminist age. To admonish husbands in the above way, is not to absolve women of any duty to grow in grace & glory. But rather it is to highlight that as a husband surrounds his wife with houses & bank accounts & cupboards & cribs filled with his manifested love, she is to become a fruitful vine in this greenhouse of his love. The temptation for many women is to nit-pick their husband, criticize how he leads, question his every move, and spend her attention on matters outside her household.

To quote a pastor of a previous era, a wife who embraces Scripture’s teaching on what a godly wife is, is nothing short of a queen & a crown to her household: “Her spirit gives the home its atmosphere. Her hands fashion its beauty. Her heart makes its love. And the end is so worthy, so noble, so divine, that no woman who has been called to be a wife, and has listened to the call, should consider any price too great to pay, to be the light, the joy, the blessing, the inspiration of a home (J.R. Miller).”

A wife has the capacity to inspire her husband to be greater than he’d ever imagined, achieve more than he ever thought, and grow beyond his largest hopes. Or she can tear it all down (Pro. 14:1). A husband must build a bulwark of love around his wife, and she should fill that castle with glory, peace, and joy. Wives, make it your aim to regularly adopt JR Miller’s advice and, “Whisper a new word of courage to his heart.”

THE GRACE OF LIFE

The splendor of marriage is such that Christians have been tempted to turn it into a sacrament. Some interpret the Apostle Peter’s words here as ground for such a view. But Christ isn’t imparted or administered to us in marriage. Rather, He is displayed. He’s showcased as a couple walk in the Spirit’s unity. To be an heir requires long-suffering. Waiting. In Baptism & the Supper we truly receive Christ. In marriage we’re taught too long for the fullness of our inheritance. Husbands & wives you either partake of these things in a wonderful and unique togetherness, or else invite the curses of grace received in vain.

God, in Christ, has made you a partaker of His divine nature. Christ has received all things as His inheritance, and He has given you the Spirit. The Spirit leads you into all truth. He takes from Christ and gives to you. This is so you can give thanks for past faithfulnesses, walk uprightly in this present moment, and long with evangelical faith for the High Countries.

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