Christ Church

  • Our Church
  • Get Involved
  • Resources
  • Worship With Us
  • Give

Manipulative People (Brian Sayers)

on July 10, 2019
https://www.christkirk.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/6-Brian-Sayers.mp3

Download Audio

Introduction

Manipulation of others happens at very small levels, and at very serious levels.

Why was this a topic of interest to me?

What frustrated me as I studied the topic?

  • No one defined it
  • Inadequate strategies for confronting and changing the problem
  • It parallels the experience referred to as “verbal/emotional abuse”

My goals today are to attempt to cover enough ground on this topic to (1) motivate you to help those suffering through manipulative relationships, (2) describe and define what manipulation is biblically, and (3) give you some basic strategies for confronting the problem in a biblical way (or to equip those you’re helping to confront the problem).

Why Manipulation is Such a Big Problem

The GENERAL Principle – God Created us to Flourish

Psalm 139

John 10:10

Physical Effects of Destructive Relationships

Mental Effects of Destructive Relationships

That leads us to consider…

How to Define and Recognize Manipulation Biblically

Webster’s Dictionary

“To control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means.”

Lou Priolo

“Using unbiblical means of controlling or influencing others… [in] an attempt to gain control of another individual or situation by inciting an emotional reactionrather than a biblical responsefrom that individual.” (Lou Priolo, Manipulation: Knowing How to Respond, p. 5-6)

Brad Hambrick

“Manipulation is: defining words and framing questions (by verbiage or through emotional expressions) in such a way that makes an appropriate response from the other person seem selfish, mean, or unreasonable.” (Brad Hambrick, “Manipulative Repentance,” http://biblicalcounseling.org/2016/manipulative-repentance/accessed March 15, 2017.)

Let’s see if we can combine some of these elements.

DEFINITION of Manipulation

Manipulation is the sin of SELF-WILL combined with some other sinful behavior, designed by our deceitful desires (consciously or unconsciously) to get what we want.

BRIEFLY: It is self-will and sinful behavior coming together to get what we want at the expense of another!

How Manipulation Manifests Itself

Manipulation is the sin of SELF-WILL, plus…

FLATTERY

BRIBING

DECEITFULNESS

  • Outright Lies
  • Half-truths
  • “Crying”
  • Self-pity

 PLAYING THE VICTIM

ANGER

  • Harsh words
  • Threats
  • “Silent Treatment”
  • Temper Tantrums

ACCUSATIONS

ULTIMATUMS – Limiting Their Choices

OBLIGATORY STATEMENTS

CREATING FALSE DICHOTOMIES (only “two views” of a situation)

MANIPULATING CIRCUMSTANCES

How to Respond to Manipulation (and Help Others)

Proverbs 15:28 –28The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

We will use the examples of:

  • Jesus with Martha (Luke 10:38-42)
  • Jesus and the Chief Priests and Scribes about paying taxes (Luke 20:19-26)
  • A manipulative mother trying to get her daughter’s family to spend the holidays with her. 

Four strategies for assessing and responding to manipulators…

ASK THEM, “WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?”

  • Is their desire wrong?
  • Can you legitimately fulfill their desire?
  • Is there a possibility of compromise?

LISTEN FOR, AND EXPOSE, ANY FALSEHOODS OR FALSE PREMISES

  • Consider some of the categories from above (like limiting choices, and creating false dichotomies, or making you feel guilty in an unwarranted way)
  • Blatant falsehoods and half-truths must be pointed out
  • The “obligatory statements” should be answered wisely

APPEAL TO THEIR CONSCIENCE REGARDING THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES

APPEAL TO GOD’S WORD AS THE STANDARD BY WHICH THEY WILL BE JUDGED

Lou Priolo’s MANIPULATION WORKSHEET

Circumstances surrounding manipulation:

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Manipulative remarks made to me:

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My response to the manipulation:

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Christ-like/biblical response the manipulation:

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

← Back to Sermons

More In This Series

Anger

Dr. Mike Lawyer | July 10, 2019

Communication

Dr. Mike Lawyer | July 10, 2019

Stories from Benevolence (Tim Mortimore)

Tim Mortimore | July 10, 2019

More on This Topic

Missions Conference 2022 Q&A

Csaba Leidenfrost, Douglas Wilson, Francis Foucachon, James Rayment | June 23, 2022

As Waters Cover the Sea (Missions Conference 2022)

Douglas Wilson | June 23, 2022

Good News for Cultures Built on Guilt, Shame, & Fear (Missions Conference 2022)

Francis Foucachon | June 23, 2022
Sermons
Events
Worship With Us
Get Involved

Our Church

  • Worship With Us
  • Our Staff & Leadership
  • Our Mission
  • Our Distinctives

Ministries

  • Center For Biblical Counseling
  • Collegiate Reformed Fellowship
  • International Student Fellowship
  • Ladies Outreach
  • Mercy Ministry
  • Bakwé Mission
  • Huguenot Heritage
  • Grace Agenda
  • Greyfriars Hall
  • New Saint Andrews College

Resources

  • Sermons
  • Bible Reading Challenge
  • Blog
  • Music Library
  • Letter from Elders Regarding Relocating

Get Involved

  • Membership
  • Parish Discipleship Groups
  • Christ Church Downtown
  • Christ Church Troy
  • Church Community Builder

Contact Us:

403 S Jackson St
Moscow, ID 83843
208-882-2034
office@christkirk.com
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

© Copyright Christ Church 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2023 · Genesis Framework · WordPress