Elder Questionnaire
Introduction
The
purpose of these questions is to provide true and ongoing accountability within
the families of our elders, while at the same time preserving our privacy. The
elders of
For Wives of Elders
Above
reproach
1.
Is
your husband guilty of any offense over the past year that would cause a serious
reproach to Christ, His church, or the gospel if that offense were to come to
light (1 Tim. 3:2)?
2.
Does
your husband hold to any distinctive view which might bring you, or your
household, or
One-woman
man
3.
Is
any person or thing (e.g. work or
hobby) causing you to compete for the time and affection of your husband so that
it has aroused a godly jealousy? Has your husband developed any unhealthy
emotional/relational attachments to any other women that cause you jealousy (1
Tim. 3:2)?
4.
Is
your husband still pursuing you (1 Tim. 3:2; Eph. 5:25-27)?
Does he render to you the honor and love you should have as his wife?
Does he demonstrate tenderness to you (Eph. 5:29)?
5.
Is
your husband sexually pure (1 Tim. 3:2)? Does
he use ography? Is he given to ungodly lust or fantasy (Mt. 5:28)?
6.
Has
your husband met your sexual needs (1 Cor. 7:1-4)? Does he consider your
desires in lovemaking and giving you
pleasure (Phil. 2:3)?
7.
Does
your husband pursue you in non-sexual ways?
Does your husband understand you (1 Pet. 3:7)?
What is he doing lately to know you better?
Temperate
8.
Is
your husband given to any excess (1 Tim. 3:2)? Is there any area in which he
substantively lacks self-control? Is
he given to great highs or lows emotionally? Is he judicious or given to
extremes in the counsel he gives?
Prudent
9.
Does
your husband manage your household finances with prudence (1 Tim. 3:2)? Does he
allocate to you enough resources to feed, clothe, and otherwise provide for the
needs of the family (1 Tim. 5:8)? In comparison to spending for the family at
large, does his spending on himself appear selfish? Is your husband planning for
the family’s long run needs?
Respectable
10.
Do
you find rendering respect to your husband something you must strain to do (Eph.
5:33)?
11.
Do
others respect your husband (1 Tim. 3:2)? Why
or why not?
Hospitable
12.
Is
your husband ready to show hospitality to others (1 Tim. 3:2)? Do guests enjoy
visiting your home? Does your husband bear with unexpected inconveniences
graciously?
Sound
in doctrine, able to teach
13.
Is
your husband well-equipped to encourage saints of differing maturity levels in
the truths of Scripture (1 Tim. 3:2; Tit. 1:9)? Can he discern and refute error
readily (Tit. 1:9)? Is he vigilant in his care of those allotted to his charge
(Acts 20:28; 1 Pet. 5:2)? Is he taking any steps to study and equip himself to
discharge his responsibilities to the flock more faithfully?
14.
Does
your husband have a solid grasp of the church’s doctrinal statement and
general Bible content (Tit. 1:9)? If
called upon, could he defend and explain these doctrines from the Word?
Judicious
use of alcohol, food, and other substances
15.
Has
your husband been drunk in the last year? Does he “need” an alcoholic
beverage after work to unwind? If your neighbors knew the frequency and volume
of alcohol he drinks, would they say he is enslaved to wine (1 Tim. 3:3)?
16.
Periodic
feasting aside, would others consider your husband a glutton?
Not
pugnacious or contentious, gentle
17.
Is
your husband ever given to violent outbursts (1 Tim. 3:3)? Has he struck you or
any member of your family in a fit of anger? Is he harsh with the children or
with you? Is he argumentative or ready to find fault?
18.
Would
you be satisfied if your sons were to treat their families as your husband
treats you and the children? Does your husband honor his parents and yours in
tangible ways (1 Tim. 5:8)?
Free
from love of money/a good steward
19.
Is
your husband greedy? Does your family’s spending reflect biblical priorities?
Does your husband’s job in any way conflict with his God-given
responsibilities to your family? To the Church?
20.
Would
you trust your husband to manage someone else’s money?
Household
management/leadership
21.
When
your husband arrives home from work, does he positively or negatively influence
the spiritual and relational climate of the home?
22.
How
would you characterize your husbands’ relationship with each child? Does each child love and respect your husband, and do
they feel they can approach him with any problems? Would your children say their
father loves them, enjoys their company, and is really interested in what is
going on in their lives? Does he do anything that causes the children
exasperation (Col. 3:21)?
23.
How
healthy is each child, spiritually? What steps is your husband taking to
shepherd them and help them to develop into fruitful adults? Do either of you
ever find yourself having to raise your voice or repeat commands before your
children obey? Does your husband back you up and support you in your discipline
of the kids? Are any of your children beginning to manifest attitudes that
trouble you?
24.
Do
you believe your husband has given thought to your spiritual state, and is
actively nourishing and cherishing you? Has he had a purifying influence on you
as his wife (Eph. 5:26-27)?
Leadership
25.
Do
you feel your husband’s personal conduct and care for your family is worthy of
emulation by other husbands in the church (1 Pet. 5:3)? Why or why not?
26.
Is
your husband bossy (1 Peter 5:3)?
27.
How
would you characterize your husband’s leadership style (1 Tim. 3:4)? Are there
any areas of responsibility at home where your husband is not taking leadership?
28.
In
what ways does your husband practically serve you (Matt. 20:25-28; 1 Pet. 5:3;
John 13)? Do others characterize him
as a servant? How can he improve?
Not
self-willed
29.
Does
your husband demand to get his own way in non-essentials (Tit. 1:7)?
Would you say he is submissive to legitimate authority and willing to
defer to others?
Good
reputation
30.
Does
your husband have a reputation for hard work, honesty and integrity amongst
others (1 Tim. 3:7)?
General
spiritual health
31.
If
you were to identify your husbands’ greatest weakness, what would you say it
is (1 Cor. 10:12)? Is he aware of it?
Have you seen any improvement in this area over the last year?
Serving
willingly
32.
Does
your husband think of the eldership as a burden he must reluctantly carry (1
Tim. 3:1; 1 Pet. 5:2)?
For Elders
Above
reproach
1.
Are
you guilty of any offense over the past year that would cause a serious reproach
to Christ, His church, or the gospel if that offense were to come to light (1
Tim. 3:2)?
2.
Do
you hold to any distinctive views which might bring you, or your household, or
One-woman
man
3.
Is
any person or thing (e.g. work or hobby) competing for the time and affection
you owe your wife so that it has aroused a godly jealousy in her? Have you
developed any emotional/relational attachments to other women that provoke her
jealousy (1 Tim. 3:2)?
4.
Are
you still aggressively pursuing your wife (1 Tim. 3:2; Eph. 5:25-27)?
Do you render to her the honor and love she should have as your wife? Do
you demonstrate tenderness to her (Eph. 5:29)? With what frequency do you see
that your wife gets a sabbath rest from her work with the household and
children?
5.
Are
you sexually pure (1 Tim. 3:2)? Have you used ography in the last year?
Do you ever allow yourself to fantasize about sex with another partner
(Mt. 5:28)?
6.
Would
your wife say she is sexually satisfied (1 Cor. 7:1-4)? Do you consider her
desires in lovemaking and giving her
pleasure (Phil. 2:3)? Do you pressure your wife to perform any sexual favors
that violate her conscience? Are your relations frequent enough?
7.
Do
you pursue your wife in non-sexual ways? Do you understand your wife yet (1
Peter 3:7)? Are you still trying to learn more about her?
Temperate
8.
Are
there any areas of behavior that are normally lawful in which someone could
rightly accuse you of excess (1 Tim. 3:2)? In what areas do you most lack
self-control? Are you given to great highs and lows emotionally? Would others
say you are judicious in your counsel, or given to extreme and overreaction?
Prudent
9.
Do
you manage your household finances with prudence (1 Tim. 3:2)? Do you allocate
enough resources to your wife to feed, clothe, and otherwise provide for the
needs of the family (1 Tim. 5:8)? In comparison to spending for the family at
large, does your spending on yourself seem selfish? In what ways are you
planning for the family’s long run needs (old age, inheritance, higher
education for the kids)?
Respectable
10.
Does
your wife respect you (Eph. 5:33)? Does she lead the family in respecting you?
In what ways do you cause her to stumble in this duty by being difficult to
respect?
11.
Do
others respect you (1 Tim. 3:2)? Why
or why not?
Hospitable
12.
Are
you ready to share with strangers (1 Tim. 3:2)?
Do guests enjoy visiting your home? When
an unexpected inconvenience arises, do you lead the family in responding to it
with grace?
Sound
in doctrine, able to teach
13.
Are
you skilled in encouraging saints of differing maturity levels in the truths of
Scripture (1 Tim. 3:2; Tit. 1:9)? Can you discern and refute error readily (Tit.
1:9)? Are you vigilant in the care of those allotted to your charge (Acts 20:28;
1 Pet. 5:2)? Are you taking any steps to study and equip yourself to discharge
your responsibilities to the flock more faithfully?
14.
Do
you have a solid grasp of the church’s doctrinal statement and general Bible
content (Tit. 1:9)? If called upon, could you defend and explain these doctrines
from the Word?
Judicious
use of alcohol, food, and other substances
15.
Have
you been drunk in the last year? Do you “need” an alcoholic beverage after
work to unwind? If your neighbors knew the frequency and volume of alcohol you
drink, would they say you are enslaved to wine (1 Tim. 3:3)?
16.
Periodic
feasting aside, would others consider you a glutton?
Not
pugnacious or contentious, gentle
17.
Are
you ever given to violent outbursts (1 Tim. 3:2)? Have you ever struck your wife
or a member of your family in a fit of anger? Are
you harsh with the children or your wife? Would your children and wife
say that you are never satisfied with anything they do?
18.
Would
your wife be satisfied if your sons turned out just like you? Do you honor your
parents and your wife’s parents in tangible ways?
Free
from the love of money/a good steward
19.
Do
you often think of how you can acquire more money?
Does your family’s spending reflect biblical priorities? Does your job
in any way conflict with your God-given responsibilities to your family? To the
Church?
20.
Based
on how you exercise stewardship of your own resources, would others trust you to
manage theirs?
Household
management/leadership
21.
When
you return home from work, do you positively or negatively influence the
spiritual and relational climate of the home?
22.
How
would you characterize your relationship with each
child? Is there any distance or feeling of alienation with any of them? Does
each child feel they can approach you with their problems? Would your children
say their father loves them, enjoys their company,
and is really interested in what is going on in their lives? Do you do
anything that causes the children exasperation (Col. 3:21)?
23.
How
healthy is each child, spiritually? What steps are you taking to shepherd them
and help them to develop into fruitful adults? Do either of you ever find
yourself having to raise your voice or repeat commands before your children
obey? Do you back up and support your wife in her discipline of the kids. Are
any of your children beginning to manifest attitudes that trouble you?
24.
Have
you given thought to your wife’s spiritual state, and are you actively
nourishing and cherishing her? Have you had a purifying or putrefying influence
on your wife (Eph. 5:26-27)?
Leadership
25.
Do
you feel your personal conduct and care for your family is worthy of emulating
by other husbands (1 Pet. 5:3)? Why or why not?
26.
Are
you bossy (1 Peter 5:3)?
27.
How
would you characterize your leadership style (1 Tim. 3:4)? Are there any areas
of responsibility at home where you are not taking leadership?
28.
In
what ways do you practically serve your family (Matt. 20:25-28; 1 Pet. 5:3; John
13)? Do others characterize you as a
servant? How can you improve?
Not
self-willed
29.
Do
you demand to get your own way in nonessentials (Tit. 1:7)? Would others say you
are submissive to authority and willing to defer to others?
Good
reputation
30.
Do
you have a reputation for hard work, honesty and integrity amongst others (1
Tim. 3:7)?
General
spiritual health
31.
If
you were to identify your greatest weakness, what would you say it is (1 Cor.
10:12)? Have you seen any
improvement in this area over the last year?
Serving
willingly
32.
Do
you think of the eldership as a burden you must reluctantly carry (1 Tim. 3:1; 1
Pet. 5:2)?
For Husband and Wife Together
Action
items
1.
Have any of the answers to these questions provoked a discussion between the two
of you that should have been discussed long before?
2.
Have any of the answers to these questions revealed a problem that reflects on
the eldership of the church?
3.
Have any of the answers to these questions revealed the need for outside counsel
or accountability?
4.
Have you taken the necessary steps to address these problems?