A Pastoral Position Paper -- Ben Alexander

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma (Ephesians 4:31-5:2).

Introduction

Everybody recognizes the obnoxious burnt smell of food that has overflowed its pan and accumulated under the heating element on a stovetop. The stench lingers unpleasantly in the house for hours. In a similar way, erupting anger is like that overflowing pan, and the remaining burnt food is the bitterness that forms. The stench of this hardened and blackened crust of bitterness permeates the air. At least two observations can be ventured about this bitterness: The first is that it is hard to access and clean. The second is that every time that stovetop element is heated up again (anger,) then the whole kitchen reeks from the lingering smell (bitterness), “thus defiling many” (Hebrews 12:15).

Bitterness is hardened anger and resentment. If not cleaned out, it stinks up our lives. Instead, our lives are to be like Christ’s, which Ephesians describes as a sweet-smelling aroma to God. Christians foul this fragrance when they become offended and do not handle these offenses properly. We should suspect a person is embittered if he is chronically depressed, enslaved by some addiction, or just plain angry. Bitterness is an ungodly option for a Christian; it will pollute his life with its acrid smell.

We can also compare bitterness to the mushrooming Fairy Ring. A Fairy Ring is defined in the Merriam-Webster Online dictionary as “a ring of basidiomycetous mushrooms produced at the periphery of a body of mycelium which has grown outward from an initial growth point.” Fairy Ring sticks out in an otherwise nicely greened lawn as a grotesque series of “lawn pimples.” It is quite disturbing when looking upon a freshly mowed lawn to come across a ring of fungus that cannot be concealed.

In the human heart, the initial “growth point” of bitterness is the inner mind, the soul of man. Bitterness is the fungus that takes root there and proliferates Fairy Ring. You have to destroy the fungus to get rid of the mushrooming behaviors of depression, addiction, and anger. Many people just settle with shaving off the symptoms of bitterness in their lives, instead of dealing with that root in the heart. Hebrews 12:15 says, “Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.”

When the heart of man is tainted with the fungus of bitterness, then sinful behaviors will spring up as poisonous “mushrooms” on an otherwise beautiful lawn. If these mushrooms are not treated, they spread. The more bitterly people hold onto the fungus of their resentment, the more these mushrooms are going to take over their lives. And who wants to look at ugly lawns and ugly lives? Fairy Ring often grows around the root structure of dying trees. In the early stages of its death, a dying tree betrays its apparent health by the presence of mushrooms around its roots. So it is with the race of Adam. The early stages of a root of bitterness may show up as depression or even physical sickness in a person’s life.

When we think of the ugliness of bitterness, we should recall the stench of burnt food and pock-marked lawns marred by Fairy Ring. Having put this “face” to bitterness, we can better explore its demonic influence and revengeful bent before we examine how Christ rejected its path and how we should model His example. Let’s begin by considering the strong likelihood of demons at work when we are tempted to be bitter against another.

The Demonic Influence of Bitterness

When is the last time that we thought of bitterness as demonic? When we think of something demonic, we might think of the practices of the inhabitants of ancient Canaan who sought out mediums and interpreted omens by reading animal guts. Demonism conjures images of things scary and dark. But James 3:14 says, “If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic.” “Selfish ambition” and “bitter jealousy,” James says, are demonic. Bitterness is like a parasite that attaches itself to a host organism. In the case of the verse just quoted, the parasite of bitterness attaches itself to the host organism of jealousy. One feeds off the other. Bitter jealousy arises from anger that some selfish desire does not get fulfilled.

As the verse also says, “this wisdom is not that which comes from above.” It seems to be wisdom to “possess” a sense of moral outrage when others wrong us or when we do not get what we think we deserve, but that is the way of the earthly, natural, and demonic. We ought, rather, to be “possessed by” a stronger and more overriding sense of love and forgiveness. We must trust in the Father’s direction and orchestration of our lives. Whether we are actively sinned against, or, in a more passive sense, we do not get what we think we deserve, our response should never be bitterness.

The Revengeful Bent of Bitterness

Demonically nurtured bitterness can produce a very ugly fruit called revenge. I remember being petty and embittered as a young man struggling with school. As I grew angrier with the problems I was having, I would direct my bitterness against my teachers, my mom, and my dad. It was bad. Sometimes I expressed bitterness against them (and God) by not allowing them the satisfaction of seeing when I understood some point they were trying to teach me. I was embarrassed that I was not learning as I should, and I felt guilty, and therefore angry. It is that anger that turned into bitterness. It was actually my bitterness that was central to my school problems. Instead, I wielded my anger and bitterness as a tool of manipulative revenge against my parents and God. Even when I had been corrected and a particular problem solved, I still would harbor resentment by not communicating joy to them. I used this sullen, depressed demeanor to manipulate them to see my agenda, to feel pity for me.

Bitterness paralyzed me. My attitude deteriorated, and it showed up in a quitter’s spirit when learning something new or facing hard work. In effect, my heart was like a clogged drain under a bathroom sink: choked by debris and hair that damned the waters above into a stagnant, polluted pool. Praise God for His grace, however, that rescued me from a long bout with entrenched bitterness. First, I had to acknowledge that I was bitter. Second, I had to repent, let go of it, and die to all my anger in feeling I had been wronged. I had to deal with my sin and die to myself. When I finally did this, much peace followed. By His grace, the faucet now flows free with His living water.

We must go to the Lord in faith, asking Him to protect us from the decay of bitterness, a decay made evident by our sin of revenge. The Lord’s gracious forgiveness is ours. It is this same gracious Lord who provides us with a pattern of behavior when wrestling with the temptation of bitterness.  

The Example of Jesus in Rejecting Bitterness

If anyone ever had reason to be bitter, it would have been the Lord Jesus. Isaiah 53 describes Him as one “despised and forsaken…a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” Of Him, Isaiah says, “Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.” In this passage, it also says, “He was despised, and we did not esteem Him” (Isaiah 53:3, 4). In turning to the New Testament depiction of the horrific cross, Jesus cries out and says, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Throughout His life, Jesus never let any root of bitterness grow in Him for all the wrongs and betrayals done to Him. Instead, the author of Hebrews tells us, “In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications with loud crying and tears to the One able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His piety” (Hebrews 5:7).

Jesus’ prayers were heard because of His piety. “But wait,” we might say, “Jesus was crucified and left to die by God the Father on the cross. I thought Jesus’ prayers were heard.” They were. He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane , “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Instead of being bitter against God the Father, the disciples that fled from Him, and the rest of the collected population that demanded his crucifixion, Jesus went willingly to the cross.

Was He vindicated in trusting the Father as opposed to taking vengeance Himself? He was. The cross of Christ is not the end of the story. The resurrection and ascension is the end. All people who undergo a great injustice and who “entrust themselves to a faithful Creator in doing what is right” (I Peter 4:19), will be vindicated. Jesus was vindicated by that which could have most embittered Him. He “was declared the Son of God with power by the resurrection from the dead, according to the Spirit of holiness, Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 1:4). The resurrection is the ultimate vindication of Christ.

If Jesus, “who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself” (Hebrews 12:3), responded to all injustice by dying on the cross, then we have no excuse for bitterness. We can take the way of love just as He did. He entrusted Himself to the Father and was not bitter against His enemies. Not only did Jesus bear the penalty of our bitterness, but He also enabled us to trust Him with our temptations to be bitter. He triumphed over them all: “And having been made perfect, He became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation” (Hebrews 5:9). We can turn sins against us into pleas to the Father for the offender’s forgiveness and leave vengeance to God.

Following Christ’s Example

Still, we may wonder, “Does this suffice when we are really hurt?” We know Christ’s death on the cross should dispel our bitterness, but sin is subtle, and we can actually become bitter that our brother’s offense against us is also nailed to the cross, and our brother bears it no more! We want people who hurt and offend us to suffer, but in this evil desire, we end up being the ones who carry that burden and grudge. If we have been sinned against, we ought to go to the offending brother, and, after having taken the log from our own eye, help to show him the speck in his eye. This willingness to humbly approach someone who has offended us, protects us from growing bitter. In other words, we have dealt with the offense in a calm and proactive manner. We haven’t let a serious, sinful offense escape without vindication if we go to that person and gently rebuke him, always mindful of our own transgressions.

“But wait!” we might say, “What if the person who has wronged me does not repent?” Rather surprisingly, we can still have peace. This peace will come to us if we have released that person from our judgment and forgiven them in our heart. God will deal with those who have not confessed sin, as He will deal with us.

Our sole concern should be maintaining a good conscience. To that end, have we cleared up sin in our own hearts? If we have, then we don’t have a personal and idolatrous vendetta as we attempt to justify ourselves. We are at peace because we are innocent, or rather, forgiven. Does God not speak on this matter? He does. “Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom” (James 3:13). The wise man can be gentle because his account is settled with the One to whom we all have to answer.

We would obviously have inner turmoil if an offending brother did not “see” the sin he committed against us, but as righteous men, we have an appeal process. If, after having gone to the offender, he does not listen, then we should go with a witness and a mediator. If the offender still does not listen to the two or three witnesses, then assuming the matter is serious enough, it ought to be brought before the whole church (Matthew 18:15-17).

Conclusion

Bitterness is never a good-smelling or good-looking option for a Christian. It is demonic, and it is a form of vengeance against another. Run from any possible trace of bitterness in your life. When you get angry, make sure you confess that anger to the Lord. Don’t allow anger to bubble over in your life, hardening into a creosote of bitterness. When you are tempted this way, embed your nose in the sweet-smelling aroma of Jesus’ life of sacrifice and trust the Father. Let Him deal with it.